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Be my teddy bear.

emilioestevez:

story time

so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.

moltres:

i feel like these are definitely the 4 stages of masturbation

tennants-companion:

so I was forced to go to church and all these babies were screaming and I said “we wouldn’t be having this problem if the church supported abortion” and the guy next to me almost had a heart attack

nyozeka:

i hope my first child is a dragon

psilentasincjelli:

If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and I’m hallucinating plot points I haven’t written yet

tvspecial:

chickensandwich:

tvspecial:

someone ride me

where are you taking me

church

scvlptures:

depression is when you don’t really care about anything

anxiety is when you care too much about everything

and having both is just like what

An old Japanese myth says that if you shut the fuck up, you will be silent.

(Source: 171-17)